Bully Proofing Yourself at Work - Self-help

The Challenge

Fact 1: There are few localities that are governed by legislation which specifically targets bullying.  This is because law-makers fear that those rules could be (ab)used as leverage in other industrial or interpersonal matters.

Fact 2: Bullying is intangible and transient.  You can't see it or touch it and, when it's done, all that remains afterwards are the feelings and memories of those involved.

So bullying is a difficult issue for Management or enforcement agencies to tackle, especially in non-unionised workplaces (even though it's in an organisation's interests to have their employees actually work instead of wasting time harassing each other).

If you have a bullying problem and you make a workplace complaint to your local OH&S authority (WorkCover in Australia) and an inspector comes out to investigate the problem, what might he or she see?

It may well be a management team who say, "Oh no, we'd never do that" and a group of workers who deny all knowledge because their jobs would be at risk if they spoke up.  There's not a lot an inspector do then.  It's your word against theirs. And once the inspector has walked out, you may be harassed even more.

In the "Strategies" page of this site, some ideas for reporting of bullying are suggested, but this page looks at things you can do for yourself, which are worth considering before taking the reporting option.     Top of Page

Dealing with Stress and depression

First, you need to deal with the stress.  You can benefit by talking to people about the problem - be they family, friends or professionals.  Sometimes it's better to swallow your pride and confide your problems to those who are close to you, but don't take out your anger on them, which happens too often and will only make matters worse for you.

You can feel better for speaking to someone about it, and it often helps to have a second opinion.  You may be tempted to speak with sympathetic workmates about it, but choose your confidantes in the workplace carefully.

If your stress problems are severe, you may benefit from seeking professional help from a doctor, psychologist and / or counsellor. The Let's Talk Therapy website provides a function to find a therapist in your area. The NSW Psychologists Registration Board can advise you of the registration status of psychologists in NSW.

However, if you say your problem is work-related, your doctor must then charge the consultation to workers compensation rather than Medicare - unless you are prepared to pay yourself. The resultant workers compensation claim may, in some cases, further aggravate the situation. So think carefully about which way you would like to go and what you will say to your doctor if you go this route.

Potential effects of stress, plus enlightening analyses of bullying dynamics caused by bullying can be found in the free online book, Bullying - From Backyard to Boardroom.  The NOHSC site has a factsheet about stress and burnout at work.

The following sites provide tips on coping with stress: NMHA - Mediline Plus,  HSE & The Body.  Some useful information in regard to depression and loss of self-esteem can be found at: Mentalhelp.net and imt.net, although these sites will tell you that they are not a substitute for professional assistance. Some excellent resources for depression are on the ANU site: The Blue Pages and The Mood Gym Training Program.

If you let stress-related illness continue for too long before looking at treatment you may 't risk long-term effects.  Your goal needs to be to come away from the experience with your self esteem and health in no worse shape than when the bullying started.

If you take steps towards your health and welfare, you may be more able to tackle the challenge of the bully.  Often it's a manager and / or supervisor who is unfairly criticising your work or competence, or setting unreasonable work targets.  What to do?  Suffering in silence - bottling it up and not talking to anyone - may do you harm.  Angry confrontations can make your position worse.     Top of Page

Distinguishing Between Criticism and Bullying

Maybe your Manager has genuine concerns but is clumsy and/or unprofessional in his or her approach to performance management.  You need to distinguish between genuine criticism and bullying.

Some clues that may indicate bullying are:
   »  The criticism is persistent and non-constructive
   »  Mountains are being made of molehills or false allegations of incompetence are made
   »  Unreasonable / impossible work targets are set with inadequate or no negotiation
   »  Disparaging comments are being made about you behind your back
   »  If you are visibly distressed and no concern is shown by the supervisor / manager.     Top of Page

Keep Calm, Stay Professional, and Negotiate

If possible, keep your cool, even if you are boiling inside.  It is essential that you deal with this in a professional manner.  You have to approach this as an adult - don't adopt the childish victim positions of passive sulking or petulant outbursts.

You can't change other people, but you can change your reaction to them.

If you find it impossible to keep your cool, you will need to work on your stress levels, as discussed above.

A comment like, "If you have a problem with my performance, please tell me exactly what areas you'd like me to improve in, and maybe we can make this work" can help more than sulking in silence or striking back.  Don't say it with attitude, just be straightforward.

It's critical to negotiate with the bully in a professional manner.  Maybe there are legitimate concerns about your performance.  Maybe you are doing some good things that haven't been noticed and you just need to make the supervisor / manager aware of them.  Make the manager feel that you want to work together to improve the organisation's performance.

Be prepared to improve yourself if need be, but even if your performance is lacking for whatever reason, be aware that there are proper ways and means for Management to draw your attention to this.  If you feel the bullying is inappropriate, some suggest that simply telling them that you object to their behaviour and asking them to stop can help. Perhaps surprisingly, some have told me that this simple approach has worked.

You can check to see if organisation has an anti-bullying policy, perhaps on noticeboards, induction handouts, or a staff newsletter and you may wish to refer to this in your negotiations.

For negotiation tips, try this link:  http://www.work911.com/articles/negotiate.htm

Even if the bully is unreasonable, simply wanting to pick on you for whatever reason, or having political reasons for trying to pressure you out of the organisation, the above approach will at least give you the high moral (and legal) ground.  If you leave your workplace, even though the bully may not give you a good reference, others in the organisation may if you have conducted yourself professionally.

This is because a professional approach will reduce the chance of others in the workplace seeing you, rather than the bully, as the problem.  If possible, try to not be isolated with the bully during any negotiations, away from potential witnesses.     Top of Page

Assertiveness and Self Esteem

If you don't feel confident in negotiation, you could consider taking self-esteem or assertiveness training. The bullying is not necessarily your fault, and there are times when bullies would do well to have ethical, supervisory and / or anger management training, counselling, or treatment for addictions.

However, improving your assertiveness and self-esteem may help you deal with bullying more effectively, with potential spin-off benefits in other areas of your life ("When life hands you with a lemon, make lemonade").

To find assertiveness training providers, type "assertiveness" in the Yellow Pages Online.  If money is an issue, courses for improving assertiveness and self-esteem are often run at reasonable cost at local community colleges or adult education centres.  If you cannot afford any training at all, there are numerous online resources like "Assertive Communication".  If your self-esteem is down, you might want to seek medical help or counselling first, or you may not gain full benefit from training.

It is far easier to be assertive if you have a strong sense of self esteem.  Self-esteem is perhaps the first thing people lose when they are bullied on a regular basis.  An online publication produced by the Victorian Government, "Women and Self Esteem" (PDF file) has some tips (useful for men too).  Statistics and anecdotal evidence suggest that women are bullied more often than men, although this result may be skewed by male under-reporting.     Top of Page

Management that Won't Act

Apart from supervisors and managers, co-workers can be bullies too.  Too often managers don't want to get involved, hoping the parties will work it out between themselves or are protecting a "golden boy / girl".  It's at this stage that Management may need to be convinced that it is in their interest not to tolerate bullying.

Having an anti-bullying and harassment policy is a sensible business decision.  There are considerable costs to a workplace that tolerates bullying, so it makes sense for employers to bully-proof themselves as well.  While you may not be in a position to affect Management's decisions, you should be aware of their responsibilities.

Allowing supervisors who are seen as high performers to bully their staff, creating high turnover, is not good management practice.  Hidden costs such as retraining, recruitment, loss of productivity and staff initiative through low morale, not to mention potential workers compensation and legal liabilities, will more than undo seemingly good short term figures they may achieve.

You may find this article illuminating: Bad Bosses and How to Handle Them    Top of Page

Overview

Of course, some bullies are unreasonable - people who are either determined to undermine you or make unreasonable demands on you.  This kind of bully isn't hard to pick - their persistence gives them away.  You can be left with the options of leaving or learning to cope with it, especially if the bullying is subtle and you are dealing with the issues by yourself.

Collectivism is power, so if your workplace has a union, you should consider joining them, even if you feel they could be more effective.  Also, if there are a number of others being bullied, you can bargain collectively, acting as witnesses for each other, and negotiating with Management together. If you need legal assistance, unions can sometimes supply free legal advice to members.

In some instances bullies continue with their behaviour because the recipients of their bullying give them tacit permission to do it.  Recipients can easily fall into the trap of adopting a victim mentality, which allows the cycle to continue.  Your job is to break the cycle by not playing the bully-victim game.  Of course all this isn't easy to negotiate sensibly with some people.  But it may still be easier than being bullied.  If you feel you could use some inspiration, try these words of wisdom.

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