Quitting smoking blog

Quitting smoking blog - WEEK 3

Monday, 26 Dec 05

Doin' it easy. When I'm with my rabidly non-smoking family there's very little temptation. Having said that, the fat lady hasn't sung yet since I am still consuming vast amounts of nicotine gum and lozenges. This is only phase 1.

For a bit of trivia, I played a few sets of tennis with Dad's veteran crowd in the morning and was soundly trounced. In the evening Dan, Max and I saw Narnia. It was pretty good, although hardly profound or brilliant.

My halo is in place and my feelings of holier-than-thouness runneth over.

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Tuesday, 27 Dec 05

This was shop-till-you-drop day. Spent over six hours shopping at Westfield with Dan. It could be said I have been replacing cigs with material goods. This rampant materialistic splurge could seriously affect my credibility when I embark on my future career as a guru. Damn, I always thought I'd be good at it.

Until I make the career jump I'll have to make do with preaching to myself about the evils of consumerism in front of the mirror. I can soberly nod my head at the wise words uttered from the mirror/pulpit/mountain top. Then it's three Hail Marys to show just how repentant I am and a quick sprint to the shoe shops on Thursday - woo hoo! That's how the game is played, isn't it?

And of course, once I have enough shoes to make Imelda Marcos blush, I'll go back and confess my sins to myself again.

Talking of practicing what you preach, D called and admitted that he is STILL smoking! On Xmas Eve I wondered aloud whether he would still be producing hot smoke along with his hot air. I don't want to gloat but ... HA HA HA!!

Having confessed his his sins to me, I was suitably judgemental, as is a wrathful preacher's wont. He's worried about the depressions and mood swings of withdrawal. He refuses to use nicotine replacement therapy (as I do) because he says it just prolongs the agony. I think cold turkey is very tough medicine.

My plan (for want of a better word) is to break the smoking habit first using gum and lozenges. It's pretty hard to stop all those little comforting rituals AND deal with drug withdrawal at the same time. Once I'm used to not smoking I can then move to the patches—to break the gum and lozenge habit, which is a bit less ingrained than cigarettes. Then I can gradually wean off the patches, following the program they give you.

At that point I will be in shooting distance of beating my normal gum/lollies habit and the pen-sucking habit I expect to pick up. That's the real bugger for me; the loss of oral activity (minds out of the gutter, people!).

As things stand, I have felt very few pangs at all over the past few days until later this evening when I was getting ready to go back home. I could see myself sitting behind my computer, surfing, writing emails or making art or cartoons and it was hard to imagine doing those things without smoke billowing in and around me.

It's now very clear what my biggest danger scenarios are—my main smoking triggers.

1. At home with my PC
2. After getting up in the morning
3. When D is visiting
4. At parties where people are smoking
5. While drinking cappuccino at Newscaf.

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Wednesday, 28 Dec 05

I continued to behave today without too much drama.

D came over; he'd "given up" as of 10 in the morning but admitted that he still has 2 cigs remaining in his packet at home. He was trying to get me to say that I was now a non-smoker—just as he is now [sic]—but the best I could manage is "I am not smoking at the moment and hope to continue not to smoke".

I've tried and failed so many times with quitting that I simply cannot bring myself to say something that could easily put more egg on my face. I've worn so much egg on my face that I almost qualify as a human poultry farm.

I've never been into this self-affirmation business, where you tell yourself sweet lies in the hope that this will become the truth. It calls to mind the saying "the mask becomes the face". Sure, that stuff happens but the quote "my way or the highway" is more my style.

Harry Potter's Goblet of Fire and a bag full of fattening things kept me under control for most of the evening.

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Thursday, 29 Dec 05

I returned to work and have been chewing gums and sucking lozenges with great profligacy. I came a cropper with this approach in mid-afternoon. My jaw was sore from chewing. Stomach acids stirred up by the gum were making me feel sick. The sorbitol in both products sent me to the toilet again and again. In the meantime I have been eating oodles of leftover Xmas chocolates as well as almonds and rice crackers. I feel pretty urky.

It looks like I'll have to go back to patches again. Last time I did, I was defeated by the sense of void, which must be about my stupid oral fixation and my ADHD-inspired need to do something with my mouth every waking moment. It looks like I'll have the chance to use all those lollies I bought and see if the hollowed-out pen helps.

I'm also going to have to put some focus, not on the cigs, but doing something about the oral fixation; to learn how to be awake and not be chewing, sucking (don't even *think* it!), drinking or talking.

Update: 7pm - I cracked. I spoke with D and he said he'd bought another pack today. He said it happened because he was trying to concentrate on programming code for this new business he's planning and, obviously, hit that mental wall. A classic Stage 3 cave-in. Mine was a Stage 2—to avoid discomfort.

Still, as D says, last time he quit he faltered a few times before getting there. So if you crack you really need to think Hitchhiker's Guide ... DON'T PANIC!

I have also promised D I wouldn't publicly ridicule him in this blog for corrupting me (you weak-willed bastard!). Why? Because he's writing some PHP code for me so you (my dear, non-existent readers) can add your non-existent comments at the end of each day's entry. Besides, it was partly my fault that he got back on them after 4 years of saintly behaviour ... ahem ...

It's funny, as I smoked the thing on the way back I noticed that the satisfying aspect of it was the warm smoke going into my chest (which was enthusiastically ogled by some guy standing outside the corner shop because I was wearing a revealing top I only usually wear at home because it is so revealing).

The enjoyment of smoke brought to mind those nicotine inhalers, which were obviously designed to overcome both the drug addiction and the hand-mouth impulses. I once bought a pack of them. Their price was over-the-top. If the government really cared about smoking as a health issue then why don't they subsidise nicotine replacement products?

However, the inhalers' main drawback (pun intended) however, was that you looked like a right git dragging on these dorky-looking plastic things. I suppose to make them look realistic would 1) reinforce the smoking act and 2) make them cost even more 3) would be even more lame because who smokes shiny plastic cigarettes?

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Friday, 30 Dec 05

Well poo ... I had a restless night's sleep and didn't wake up "in form" so I contacted work to say I'd be starting my leave early (I have next week off). I have been smoking the remaining cigs in the pack this morning. I feel guilty because Glenn & Philippa at work were so pleased and encouraging yesterday when I told them I was trying to quit.

Why do they sell cigs in packs of 20 to 50? If they sold cigs singly I would have only had one or two. I know that they say single cigs make them more affordable for kids but shop owners can't legally sell them to minors. Personally I think that the government's refusal to allow single cigs to be sold is making the smoking problem worse—since every time a smoker cracks, it's a BIG crack. I suspect that it's about all those lovely taxes the government gets—just like the pokies.

I mean, if they think that only selling cigs in large quantities helps people smoke less, then why don't they outlaw selling them in units less than 1000? I think that says it all ...

It's been an annoying morning because I have been trying to work out how to stop people hot-linking to the images on my site. So, dear reader, if you want to use any of the cartoons on this blog—email me!—don't just link directly to them! If I find out that you've done this, you will find a foul porno pic on your site before you can say "Site closed down". In my annoyance, I have smoked ... alas.

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Saturday, 31 Dec 05

I have continued my wanton ways with the dreaded fags. I don't know ... I'm never at my best in the heat, and we've had a series of scorching hot days. After a Thai meal and seeing Layer Cake I had a hopless night's sleep in the heat and humidity and woke with a headache—both physically and metaphorically >:-Þ

This, of course, was a cue not to get stressed and to indulge myself (ie. to smoke). I can't even see this ending as a NY resolution. I can see myself starting 2006 as a smoker. My willpower has returned to dandelion mode. No ... willpower has nothing to do with it. I don't even feel any desire to stop smoking at the moment. All I want to do is go into holiday mode and do things that make me feel good—in the present moment.

Warren called and told me that statistics indicate that people give up smoking more successfully using the gum than going cold turkey. He said he gave up very gradually, starting with 15 a day and working down by one a day, over a period of months. Trouble is that I can't rely on gum any more. I have chewed so much that my jaw has become sensitive that it hurts if I have more than a few each day.

With beer and ciggies in hand, D and I watched the fireworks going off in the city, standing in the park across the road from my place.

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Sunday, New Year 2006

Started NY with a ... smoke ... or three? Actually much of NSW did with bushfires raging all over the place. Sydney is suffering through the hottest day ever recorded here—44.9°C (112.8°F). Apparently the hottest Sydney day was was 45.3°C (113.5°F) on 14 January 1939. Here's an idea of what the temperature was like from 8am to 8pm today.

8am       28
10am     37
12noon   41
2pm       44
4pm       45
6pm       44
8pm       41 (I mean, over 40°C at 8pm!)

Stayed indoors all day, out of the extreme weather and smoked my little head off, read, drank beer/iced coffee/mineral water, played chess, listened to music and occasionally bickered with D. After starting this week like an expert I have come crashing down with a series of heavy smoking days. C'est la vie.

I have decided that today will be an ideal swansong to my smoking career, just sitting around in sweltering heat and doing bugger all. I know that I can't rely on gums, as per yesterday's entry. Instead, I'll use lozenges tomorrow (three gums—one after each meal) and then go onto patches (with half-gums after each main meal) on Tuesday.

I have this coming week off from work so I'm all psyched up for a challenging holiday.

D has coded up a comments page for me so you can now share your experiences with giving up smoking or just give me some feedback/advice/abuse. I have now retrospectively added [Make a comment] to the end of each day's entry.

Weekly summary

Week 4 -->