Musing on Sydney's news
23 July 2003
The chattering class versus suburban savages
How often have you heard or read something of the ilk: The chattering classes turn up their noses at good Christian values ... or if the chattering classes bothered to open thier eyes and blah blah ...
The letters pages of various tabloids inevitably have some self-righteous gimp throwing around this inappropriate, tired and clichéd Weapon of Mass Denigration. I performed a Google search on "chattering classes" and was delivered 8,450 entries. Says it all.
Upfront: to all those belligerent right-wing dries, fascists, Nazis, and Klu Klux Klan-ites of the world, maybe it's time you stretched those tiny brain cells of yours and thought of a new way to insult people who think differently to you. Look, I know that roughly half of the population necessarily has an IQ below average, but I'm not telling you to perform brain surgery here.
Vitriol aside (ah, that feels better), there's some debate as to where the term "chattering clases" originated.
Some attribute it to Alan Watkins, who was a political columnist for The Independent in the UK. But most credit - or blame - Auberon Waugh for this precious gift to our vernacular. Mr Waugh was a writer and was well known for being a vindictive, acerbic sort of character, which says quite a lot about the expression and those who use it. If he didn't invent the term, he at least popularised it.
So what does it really mean, other than being the cliched sprouting of some sad right-winger who is endlessly impatient with cumbersome democratic processes and is looking for a "magic bullet" quick fix? (Adolph, Mao and Pinochet were "magic bullet" men too).
Those on the hard right of the political spectrum, The Dries, are ever-irritated by the way lefties obsess over human rights and the environment, not to mention other such trivia such as people's right to voice their opinions.
Once upon a time they used to throw around insults like "Balmain Basket Weavers" or "latte quaffers". In essence, they're referring to middle class people who failed to grow out of their leftist ideals after graduating from uni and now sit safely in some roadside cafe, bathing each other in pretentious leftist-Yuppie babble on issues about which they have only superficial knowledge.
That's a bit of a mouthful for serious righties, the type who think rising above monosyllabic grunts is a sign of pretension, hence the funky little catchphrases.
As a self-professed cappuccino-quaffer who thinks human rights and the environment and important, the moment anyone talks about "the chattering classes" my ears prick up.
Hello? Yes? Did you call me? Would you like me to drive you quietly insane by insisting on slow and messy democratic debate instead of looking to a benign dictator to put all those darn commies, tree-huggers, queers, slants, rag-heads and other minority freaks back in their place?
Yes, I'm here, a chatterer, out and proud. How can I help you? Would you like wedges dipped in sour cream and a cappuccino with my polemic, sir? (Women haven't embraced this term in the same way as their oestrogen-challenged counterparts).
Right wing Suburban Savages may wonder why on earth I and other chatterers are so obsessed with human rights and the environment. They may ponder, will it win us fame? Money? A promotion? Will it ingratiate us to anyone powerful? The answers to these questions are "hardly", "quite the contrary", "no way" and "are you kidding?" respectively.
No, in truth chatterers are just sad little nothing people who take to these causes so they can bond with other sad little nothing people and give each other warm-and-fuzzies with a little righteous indignation. At least that's what the Right will tell you.
Of course, as with any stereotype, it's correct some of the time. You'll also notice that these days Righties often claim that Lefties are whingers. Did we hear any whingeing from the Right when Gough, Hawkie and Paul were in power? Heavens no, perish the thought ...
On the other hand, some environmentalists would say that cutting down established forests to make way for tacky developments is like watching a kindergarten child scribbling over a van Gogh. A bit like diverting funds from health and education to bolster the military and tax breaks for the rich. Is that whingeing or being unimpressed with what goes on?
To the eye that looks left, achieving proper human rights and pretecting small tracts of nature seem so logical, sensible and achievable, yet these ideals are constantly being dashed on the rocks of ignorance. Or are lefties just bloody bleeding hearts who try to stifle economic growth for ephemeral nonsense.
Perhaps we need to examine the mind of the typical right winger, these hyper conservative tut-tutters. How does one become a conservative?
Last year my ex-boyfriend - who, by the way, is a businessman who hates unions - gave me the best description of right wingers I've ever heard: "A right winger is someone who figures that, if it's legal, then it's ok".
So right wingers are generally those who thoroughly accept the rightness (pun intended) of authority figures and blithely accept the corruption and hubris they indulge in as "just human nature" (and then rail about homosexuality being unnatural ... go figure, as the Yanks say). This obsessing and wealth acquisition and security in general makes one wonder about their childhoods. What could have gone so wrong in the past for a person to be so desperate to cast a protective bubble around his or herself and care so little for broader concerns? What is it with this seemingly desperate need to find villains to abhor - to create carcassaes on which one can elevate oneself?
To this end, right wing Suburban Savages think it's smarter to "get with the strength" and don't especially care about the corruption and hubris of politicians because, well, when have politicians been any different? Better to cosy up to them, to obey them, and hopefully ain favour from them. They figure it's easier to swim with the stream than against it. You make more money and acquire more power that way.
Survival of the fittest. Only the strong survive. It's a dog eat dog world. Swim with the stream. If everyone looked after themselves we'd all be ok. All right wing credos. Dry right wingers are scarily Darwinian.
But maybe they have a point? After all, the impressive amoeba and indefatigable cockroach have subscribed to dry right wing value systems for eons, and they'll be around long after we whingeing lefty wimps stop hugging trees and end up as food for them.
Maybe lefties have it all wrong and should join their rightist counterparts in aspiring to the lofty value systems practiced by invertebrates?
It just goes to show that the Chattering Classes are natural nurturers. After all, we tend plant life even in death as compost.
Ironically, we have more in common that we'd ever care to admit since compost is the shared destiny of all of us, including the Darwinian drongoes and Suburban Savages of this world. Such is the cycle of life ...
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